Long time...
Topic: learning English
It has been long time since I had written this blog last time. I created my Japaense weblog for Japanese speakers and I keep writing my journal in Japanese since then. That was the end(!) of this blog....

The purpose of this journal was improving my English writing skills. But I could hardly enjoy writing here. That was probably because the communication on this blog was inactive. Just writing for no readers made me bored.... Of course this is just an excuse though.

Now I am writing again. I do not know when I am going write here again. But I will try to come back here, at least.

Thank you so much for reading this.
Your heartwarming message will be very welcome!!!

From Drawing
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Rudolf Steiner
I have had a feeling of disconnection from anthroposophy for one year. It is strange, because I have been involved in an anthroposophical community. Being a mother of a little baby might have made me away from anthroposophy, because I have rare chance for the actual activity such as participating workshops or study groups.
But this would be just an excuse, since baby is a full of spirituality...If I was willing to "feel" the spirituality, I could have felt. Even if I had no time for myself.

Anyway, This one year seemed to be the disconnection from anthroposophy for me. One year after joining this community, the reencounter with my friend reminded me the spiritual science.

This reencounter made me want to "do" something.
What is "something"?
I painted and drew some forms, since I felt the necessity of artistic activity.
Experiencing colours would be something I need.
Also form drawing is one of my favorites, and easy way to feel the world.

But now I decided to do whatever I want to do and I can do as I being a mother. Probably that is what I need to do for now.

Anyway, I very appriciate my friend waking me up.

friend
Mood:  bright
Topic: others
One of my friends from California, who is a Japanese girl, moved to my little town Stourbridge.
I met her at Rudolf Steiner College in Sacramento.

Now the meeting again at "STOURBRIDGE" is surprising.
I wouldn't have been surprised so much if we were in a big city like London.
But we are in such a small town. And she's not just visiting. She has moved to this town. Moreover she is staying with my friend. What a coincidence!

Anyway we are pleased to meet again.
I am looking forward to spending a good time with her again, as we had in CA.

VJ Day
Topic: England
14th of August is VJ day in England.
VJ is "Victory over Japan."
60 years after the World War Two,having the celebration of Victory surprised and shocked me.
In fact we lost. But War is not something to win or to lose. I assume every country committed to the war lost. Because we, not only Japan but also England, lost precious lives, our family, friends..., got our cities damaged. How can English say that they have won after so much damage?

And the "victory" was the result of A-bombs.
People know the A-bombs were dropped over the 2 cities in Japan in 1945. But non-Japanese people don't know much about the effect of the bombs. They don't know how many people were killed at the moment the bomb explorded. They don't know how much they suffered from the simptons from the radiation long time after the war....

That ignorance inspired me.
Now I have been reading books about the war in Japan especially about the A-bombs.
I would like to introduce some books to the school library. Probably I can talk about the A-bombs at school...

Arrival
Mood:  bright
Topic: mothering
Finally my second son arrived on the 17th of June.
He weighed 3200g and is in a good health. He sleeps surprisingly very well. (What a good boy to his )parents!)

Thanks for the nature of human body, the labour was match quicker this time. Quicker but more intense...
The pain was heavier than last time, and I cried "I can't do it!!!" many times. But of course I can't stop labouring.... After 9 hours labour, the beautiful boy was on my bed with me, without suffering from any medicines, pain killers...

Anyway I had the son.
And he is changing and growing every day amazingly....
He is still very tiny being, but completely different existance from the first boy.

In fact I did want a girl, I had been longing for a girl. But my sons are very special and very precious for us. I wouldn't try to have another baby wanting a girl. Two boys are enough. They will give us wonderful and tough time. Now I am looking forward to having a parenting journey with them pretty much.

Reading English Books
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: learning English
I am Sanguine when I read books. (Not only when reading...?) Especially when I read English books, I dare to read other books which are in totally different category.

Now I am reading a juvenile fantasy book and an education book. These are not uninteresting books at all. On the contrary they attract me a lot. Probably the reason of my difficulty is my slow reading speed. And it makes me hard to focus on the English books for a long time.

I can read many of the English books without a dictionary, still quick reading is impossible. For example, English book takes me a few weeks even if I can read the same book translated into Japanese in one day.

What makes me frustrated more is my situation as a mother with a little toddler and 9-month pregnancy. If you have the experience to raise a baby, you would know how little time you can have for yourself. I would be lucky if I have 1 hour to read a day.

Books are one of the big amusement, entertainment, and the biggest resource to know the world for me. Even though I can have lots of irreplaceable experiences with my children, I need to balance my life between motherhood and intellectual activities.

Foreign language Communication
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: others
Now my mum is staying with us. She speaks only Japanese and my husband speaks English and German. I speak Japanese and English. So I need to translate Japanese and English between my mum and my husband.

The followings are my observation about their communication.

One:
When my mum was with us last year, she was trying to speak English very hard although she has never learned it before. This time she hardly speaks English, even easy words such as "good", "come", "tea", although she had taken some English courses in Japan before this travel to England. She was very eager to learn English, and I respected her efforts very much. But why does she not speak English? She does not even try to speak...

Two:
I found one more interesting phenomena about their communication. My mum speaks Japanese to me, at the same time my husband speaks English to me. They seem not to notice that the other is speaking at the same time. The unknown language must sound like just like a music or just a sound for them. Of course they are unconscious that they are IGNORING the other.
When they speak (in English and in Japanese) at the same time, I can hardly answer both of them. I feel very sorry for them... But is this attitude something natural for people? I wonder if many people speak like this when they have multi-language communication.

Three:
From last year's experience, I also noticed people's common attitude when they spoke to my mum.
When they learned that they had any common languages between my mum and them, all of them started speaking English very very slowly as if she can understand English if it is slow. Of course they can not speak Japanese for her instead, but the speed is not the problem. Even though they speak English slowly, she can not understand it at all anyway.

temperament
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: others
I am waiting for the baby to be born. They say that the second baby is usually born earlier than the first one. My first child was born 9 days earlier than the EDD. Today, it is already 7 days before the due date. To my expectation, the baby was supposed to be born already.

This makes me think about the purpose to have these children.
I feel that the first child was born to develop his father. And the next one would be for me.

My first son has similar temperament to his father. That is giving his father a tough time, because his father needs to struggle whenever he faces his son's personality with short temper just like his. This is certainly a kind of training for his father.

The next baby might be very phlegmatic. The slow but strong movement in the womb and the delay of the birth. Of course she/he is not late yet but I feel like she/he is late. This fact reminds me my disadvantage, which is impatience.

I tend to do everything very quickly, and want to finish all as soon as possible. It is so hard that I can not stand to see slow people. And this baby seems to be that "slow" person, although I don't know yet....

I am feeling like that because I have already been impatient to wait for her/him. Everyday I talk to her/him that she/he needs to come out very very soon. (Right now! if possible!) And in the end of the day I had no contraction, I am always very disappointed...

This baby might give me a hard time.....

Desire
Mood:  bright
Topic: learning English
The previous purpose of this blog was to practise writing English. Then I got the next desire to make a link between this journal and some web site. So I renewed my web site which I have not been updated for a long time.

Now the next desire came up, which is writing more serious topics in JAPANESE. As I publicate my journal, many topics I want to express and be in pubulic are coming up one after another. Many of them are serious and deeper than what I have ever written on this page. My English writing skill is not enough to express these deep topics and opinions. Also I want to write because I want people to read and understand my essays!

If I write them in Japanese, Japanese readers can read and understand. Especially this blog is linked to my web site written in Japanese. But if I write them in English, the Japanese net surfers being interested in my web site would not read this journal.

But thinking about my previous purpose of this blog,
it would be wonderful if I could express my opinions more.

So I decided to give it try.
I apologize my poor English writing again. If you don't understant what I meant, please do not hesitate to point it out. I would be able to learn from that too.

Steiner Education
Mood:  amorous
Topic: Rudolf Steiner
I saw a blog created by a full time mother who is raising her children anthroposophically. She is not a teacher, also she doesn't regard herself as an "educator" I guess. She has not studied anthroposophy much, her main resource about Steiner Ed. seems to be from books. Still her education, as a mother, is more like anthroposophical than mine.

I am a trained Steiner School teacher although I am off from the work and a full time mother now. I belong to an anthroposophical community in England and my husband is also a teacher at a Steiner School. Our surroundings are full of anthroposophists (at least they call themselves "anthroposophists") and anthropospohical . Fortunately without thinking and efforts, we can have anthro-related friends and resources automatically. Nevertheless I feel I am not a good anthro-mother right now.

My first son is 14 months old also the second child will be born soon. To be an ideal "good mother" I need to be focus on my children now, though I can't. It is too hard to resist my desire to go back to the school as a teacher. I am looking at my future work more than the work as a mother which must be the most important thing to do now. I am not present enough for my son.

From the blog I saw today, I realized again that doing Steiner Education is not something special which needs some special training.

I knew it, but I feel I have not done it for a while. Just being with children, being present for them with whole myself, is a basic of this education. Many people in this community believe in the method of Steiner education, such as wooden toys, play silk, Waldorf dolls, raising without media etc..., but if the basic, being present for them, was missing in our mothering, that can not be an education.

I have been trying to be fully present for my beloved son. But being fully present seems to be almost impossible for me as I am with him all day. I can not help thinking about something else even when I am with him.

I feel part-time-teaching would be good solution for both of us. I can be happy, responsible, not as just a mother but as a teacher, and have my individuality. That would make me fully present as a mothe when I am with children.